This is me.

Profile of "tearose"

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tearose

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by tearose, Wednesday, March 28th 2012, 5:52pm

I'm curious. Curious about people... I don't understand them.

I've wanted to be normal. But I've never known how to be normal.
When I was younger I thought that normal meant being funny, being sad. I had patterns memorized in my head about how to go through a conversation, how to react, how to speak. I thought normal meant I needed to ask for attention, try to be the center of attention.
But then, as I grew a bit older, I realized I really didn't like being in the center of attention. Because it caused people to react badly to me. I didn't like that, I was scared. I thought I was being normal, but apparently normal isn't good enough.
So I went to the other extreme. I turned quiet, shy, drawn back. And again, people didn't like it. My mind was blown, I had no clue what was going on, why people didn't appreciate me trying to mold myself around what I thought they desired of me.

So, this is where I got today then. Not trying to please people anymore, not trying to be normal, not trying to be weird. I'm just trying to be me. People still react badly to me from time to time, but I can not change who I am just for their sake. I am me, and I do what I want. I do what I think is right.

I am curious, because I don't understand people. But I will not change who I am anymore to try and figure out what people want anymore. It's not worth losing my identity over.
This is me.

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Categories: Personal Life