Pewdie n' Friends

Dat game.

Anyway, I feel like going down memory lane, so I will now recount to you fun times I had in Lordran, the world of Dark Souls.
In the beginning, the local gods said "fuck everything everywhere", and lo, there was light. And the light did murder everyone because THIS IS LORDRAN.
I remember just starting the game, as a knight because staring off as a mage is dark stuff. And knights are cool. My first death was from that freaking bolder that rolls down the stairs and opens a hole in the wall, so you can talk to the dude an get your "happy juice" aka Estus Flasks. (Ten bucks says if pewdie plays this game, there's a very real risk he might forget to do this. If he doesn't just use a walkthrough.)

Then, later on, the "tutorial boss". I call it that because it's your first boss in the game and it's still as big as a house. I took one look at it, and thought "....NOPE. o-o Nopenopenopenopenope." But I HAD TO if I wanted to ever LEAVE. Thank God for shields and years of previous gaming to hone my 'run!' reflexes.

Then, there was actually getting out of the Asylum (how fitting for me...) and into Lordran proper. I just took a good look around and everything, and thought "...People tell me I get to go almost everywhere I can see. and what I see... is really freaking pretty for a game trying to rip my spleen out through my throat."
I explored the camp a bit, almost got killed in the graveyard nearby (Ten bucks says this happens to pewdie if he plays it. SKELETON RAEP.) before being told "Eurydice, you bloody moron, you're supposed to go up the big stairs!"

And so I did.

And now with no sense of time, I discuss the Gaping Dragon
Gaping Dragon. Holy mother of fuckshits.

I see that thing's tiny, tiny head come out of the water, and I think "Pah, the tutorial boss was bigger than this thing! I eat dragons like this for breakfast, with a side of eggs and a cup of-"

Then the REST of it came out of the water.
This iskinda what it looks like. Notice they so helpfully put a human next to it for size comparison.
And that thought was finished with "...well, fuck me."
Even though Brolaire (PRAISE THE SUN!) was totally there, we both got our rear ends kicked pretty bad by this thing the first time. And the second. And the sixth... damn, how many times did it take? Eight I think? I'm going with eight.

But that's just the kinda game Dark Souls is. You get your ass kicked, you get back up, you try again a little wiser, a little stronger, and a lot more afraid of your target.


Except if it's the final boss. He is really weak to Homing Soulmass. He was a bloody pushover.