Pewdie n' Friends

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You won't see this, ever ... I am still writing.
While people were talking about your weird walking style and big ears(which i found them cute), i defended you.
They were talking about your being silly, being rude, being even bad things and making fun of you, i made them shut up.
No one loved you, i loved you. They said; '' c'mon, he is younger than you, he is so stupid.'' No you were perfect to me.
And i loved you just the way you are and i don't even know you! I was looking at you and think ''he can't be bad, never''
4 years... I loved you for 4 years without telling you and i know, at least, you liked me.
You were watching me secretly from the window, while i was coming home.
You used to go out when you saw me coming home but you didn't tell anything cuz you were shy, so was I.
I didn't date with anybody, yeah there were really good looking guys but no, you were the most handsome one.
I loved you so much that i didn't even talk any boy around our aparment so that you didn't see and hurt.
I didn't tell you anything cuz you were going to have that university exam shit.
I didn't wanna discract you and i waited and waited... It was OK. It was YOU, i could wait forever.
It was so, so stupid... I sent a loong email which included all best wishes for you about your last year of highschool and exam, your reply was:
''Thank you so much, Im gonna consider your suggestions '' That's it ?
I prayed for you every single night, not for myself. Everything was perfect, you were so nice to me, to my family, everybody was sure that you loved me.
One day I was waiting for a chance to see you. Asked one of your friend;
''He always hangs out with girls. Does he have a girl friend? ''
She said ''I don't know but he had one'' - ''when''- ''3 years ago'' OK. Past is past.
Then i saw you there, walking with your friends and you were looking at me.
You looked at me for a minute then you hugged THAT GIRL. I couldn't do anything. I was stuck. You walked away with her.
You tried making me jelaous, no, you showed your real face. You were a child. Never loved me like i loved you.
You didn't care about my feelings. If I'm hurt or not. I lost one of my eye's eyelashes, they are gone cuz I was extremely upset and depressed.
You devastated everything that i believed, my dreams, my time, my life. I wasn't in love until you came.
I didn't love someone so long, like i loved you.
I didn't cry. I still don't. I started to forget about you. We live in same apartment. It is really hard while you're in front my eyes.
We haven't met since that time. It is better. Friends still tell me when they see you with a girl but i don't care.
THIS is which Pewdie tought me. New philosophy of my life.
In the 1st video i watched, he said;
YES, VERY WELL, FUCK IT. I DON'T CARE SON!
Wait, it was the thing that i should do. To f.ck it everything about you. Not to care. It worked!
Now, i don't care anything about you-still trying. I f.cked 'em all. No more pain. No more regrets...
You don't know this. You'll never know. But I DON'T CARE !!!
You have a girl? I DON'T CARE SON !!! You never loved me? YES, VERY WELL, FUCK IT.
I am fine now. Someone will be coming for me. Someone who is gonna love me.
I'm a survivor. I lived lots of things. I lost my mom. I'm without her. If she was alive, she would tell the same thing;
F.CK IT GIRL.
Yes! I'm better. You mad? Very well. I don't care!
Thanks Pewdie